Sabrina's Brochure Spotlight: Knoebels 2000

I like to have fun with SBS, but this week I'm going to begin on a more serious note. As most of you probably know by now, Barbara Knoebel (Dick's wife) passed away the day after Thanksgiving following a long battle with cancer. While I never had the opportunity to meet her, any death in the industry touches all of us who hold it dear. Barbara was an integral part of Knoebels Amusement Resort and she will be sorely missed. On behalf of the entire NPN team, I'd like to extend our sincerest condolences to the Knoebel family, and I dedicate this week's SBS to Barbara's memory. (Here's hoping she had a really good sense of humor...)

Okay, everybody take a deep breath. This is a long brochure, so let's start at the end. Then the beginning. Are you confused? So am I. Let's start over.

Logically speaking, it would make the most sense to begin with the brochure cover and end with the back panel. But this is an extraordinary circumstance, as we have an incredibly awesome photo of my beloved Twister that wraps around both. In order to preserve this abnormally high level of awesomeness, I decided to defy all reason and scan both panels at the same time. This is as non-Type A as I get, people. Cherish the moment.

Action at a fraction, eh? Sounds good to me! Where do I sign up? I want to be first in line for that "Twister" ride you're advertising. [And in fact, a few years ago I fulfilled that dream when I found myself in the first seat of the first train out of the station on the first day of the season, which just so happened to coincide with my birthday. Bonus!]

Although it's advertised as being new for 2000 (not to mention Kozmo approved, which is almost as prestigious as being Sabrina approved), Twister actually opened to the public in July of 1999. This coaster has a very special legacy, as its design was adapted from the blueprints of the John Allen masterpiece Mr. Twister, which operated at the original Elitch Gardens. I know this is going to sound sacrilegious, but I actually like this coaster better than Phoenix. Please refrain from throwing things at me until I've finished writing!

When your main attraction is fun, Golden Tickets are sure to follow. I'm fairly certain that's some kind of scientific law. Kozmo wore those 1999 Golden Tickets for Best Indoor Attraction and Best Food like a badge on his sleeve, I tell you. If there were a category for best bumper cars, Knoebels probably would have won that one as well. Now being a person of minimal "padding", I tend to shy away from rides that have the word "bump" in their names. I have, however, taken a few laps on Knoebels' Skooters... [Read: Marriage is about compromise, and I wanted more Twister!!]

Knoebels may not have a full-fledged water park, but this brochure promises enough wet and wild fun to get a reaction out of you. Flume junkies rejoice, for you can soak up the fun on a traditional log flume or a shoot-the-chutes style boat ride. As for Kozmo, he looks like he'd rather take a dip in the Crystal Pool and I can't blame him. The park's beautiful wooded setting has a way of making this spectacular modern pool seem like an old-fashioned watering hole.

Costumed characters--my favorite! Here we see Kozmo and his pal King Knoebel leading Kozmo's Kazoo Cavalcade. (Rumor has it they're huge fans of alliteration.) It looks like an action-packed event indeed. The kid friendliness factor is definitely present at this park. And if you don't believe me, you can ask the kids who made cameo appearances in this brochure in the upper left-hand corner of each page.

Park food and culinary satisfaction typically don't go hand-in-hand, but they do at Knoebels! That Golden Ticket was no joke. And by the way, are you starting to get the feeling that the word selection in this brochure was no accident? (Did my italics help?) The Magic 8-Ball says...Signs point to yes. But in case the wordplay escaped you, they were kind enough to print the prevailing theme of this brochure in the upper right-hand corner of each page: All the action you can handle! That goes for food as well. But I hope you're not as messy as Kozmo when you eat yours.

Who needs a five-star motel when you can set up your own cozy campsite within walking distance of the rides? They even have log cabins for rent! So pull up a lawn chair, slap together some smores, and stay a while.

Once again in 2000, Knoebels celebrated my birthday by opening their park for the season. What a nice gesture! I'm so humbled. I bet Kozmo had a hand in that.

Whew! That was one comprehensive brochure. Thank goodness I started at the end. Saves energy, you know.