Sabrina's Brochure Spotlight: Valleyfair 1999

This week Valleyfair tries to WOW us with their industry prowess!

That kinda rhymes, right? Oh, come on! It's at least on par with "Dora the Explorer". (Any Brian Regan fans out there?)

Water slides and airplanes are wow-worthy, but apparently Corkscrew and Wild Thing are not. So be sure to avoid the latter two if you visit Valleyfair!

Wait a minute... Did I just punctuate my sentence, or was I merely stating the name of the park? So confused, I am. Park names aren't supposed to include punctuation marks, Valleyfair!! (Note the use of the double exclamation point. That's called "playing it safe", folks.)

Even the Mad Mouse, which made its debut in 1999, was not deemed to be wow-worthy for the purposes of this brochure. Excalibur, on the other hand, merits a lingering "wow". What gives, Valleyfair!? [That was a tricky one. In my effort to emote surprise, curiosity, and proper citation within a single sentence, I resorted to the use of multiple punctuation marks which do not necessarily occur in proper sequence. That one may have been a fail.]

I'd like to add a couple of my own "wow"s to this spread. First and foremost, I'd like to direct a rather subdued "wow" toward the beyond cheesy trumpet players. (This particular "wow" will be accompanied by the raising of my eyebrow.) I'm sure they sound great, but dude...

I would also like to give a "wow out" to the Berenstain Bears. Why? Because they're freakin' awesome, that's why. This will be a multi-page "wow", as I seem to have broken up their happy family with my irresponsible scanning technique.

Ever hear that saying about turning your frown upside down? Apparently RipCord is capable of turning your wow upside down. Very clever, Valleyfair! All four of the Challenge Park attractions mentioned here are still alive and well at the park today.

Additionally, our friend the jack-o'-lantern would like you to give it up (your "wow"s, that is) for HalloWeekends. This event was held at Valleyfair for several years before being axed, reincarnated as ValleySCARE, and finally expanding (both name-wise and attraction-wise) into The Haunt at ValleySCARE, as we know it today.

Now that we've talked about both Challenge Park and HalloWeekends, you can actually read about them for yourselves on these pages. Note that Count Dracula has defiantly chosen to "wow" to the beat of a different drummer. Those vampires, I tell ya... Nothing but trouble, they are.

And finally, here's a page for those of you who had no idea what I was talking about with the whole exclamation point bit. Two on one page! Now that is wow-worthy.