Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Sabrina's Brochure Spotlight: Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom 2008

Another week, another brochure, and another exercise in Sabrina's eagle eyes catching all those minute details that the average brochure picker-upper will never notice. All in a day's work my friends, and all for you! Are you ready to be blown away by the minutiae of the Bluegrass State?

Nothing spells fun in the sun (or comfort) like a Mega Wedgie. Just be forewarned: New underwear is not included in your one price admission. Go ahead and file that travel tidbit away in your brain for the next time you visit Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom. You can thank me later.

And might I suggest the following minor modification to Six Flags' slogan: "More flags. More fun. More wedgies." I think I have a future in marketing.

ProSlide Technology installed two BulletBOWL slides in 2008. Both were christened "Mega Wedgie". There have been no other BulletBOWL installations since then. Coincidence?

Spoiler alert: These are the only ride photos, and in fact the only mention of rides, that you will see throughout this entire brochure! No joke. Almost gives you that "move along, nothing to see here" sorta feeling.

What gives, Six Flags? I'm bored! My eagle eyes are glazing over. Where are all those precious details that I love so very, very much?

"Splashwater Kingdom. Ta-da! Keep moving..." If this brochure had a soundtrack, it would be the sound of crickets chirping.

Here's what I've ascertained so far about my potential visit to Kentucky Kingdom:

  1. I will get to experience two rides. Maybe one if the kiddie ride has a height restriction.

  2. I will most likely be accosted by roving gangs of Looney Tunes characters. (I am somewhat excited at the prospect, and that frightens me.)

  3. Apparently they have some water slides, so I better bring a bathing suit.

  4. By the time I leave, I will have a mega wedgie.
But what of the rest of my questions? I mean, how many world-class coasters do they have? Does Bugs Bunny sign autographs? Will Dippin' Dots be readily available at my whim? And what must one do to get a frosty cold beverage on a hot Kentucky day? I'd like to have some insight into these matters before I fork over my hard-earned cash at the gate, thank you very much.

All kidding aside, I've visited Kentucky Kingdom and I know darn well that it has much more to offer than what is advertised in this brochure. In light of the misfortunes this park has seen over the past couple years, it desperately needs to find its identity and rebrand itself. Why not start with a brochure that truly showcases the park's offerings, rather than hitting us with a handful of images and leaving the rest to our imaginations? A little creative marketing can go a long way, and that's exactly what this park needs. So get on that, Six Flags. Posthaste!